Slumberland Reverie

(Originally written on May 15, 2009)

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This morning I awoke from another one of my weirdest dreams:

For some reason, there was a gymnastics meet going on in the street and I was one of the competitors.  The way the floor exercise was set up was really more of a tumble-off where we took turns (clockwise) tumbling through a somewhat-crowded street intersection.  For some reason, Angelica (my dad’s boss’s daughter in real life, who never did gymnastics growing up) and I were set up for disaster – a “hit”, if you will:  we were each given the go-ahead to run our tumbling passes at the exact same time, during which a dumpster truck was in the middle of the intersection.  Even though the dumpster truck was there, I went ahead with my pass because I assumed that it was moving out of the way (I didn’t see that Angelica was also taking her pass).  Miraculously, we were able to escape the setup safely, with only minor injuries.

Later on that evening (even though it was dark outside during the gymnastics meet…), I met up with Angelica at a sketchy pub that was across the river from a public outdoor amphitheater.  When no one was looking, we climbed into the attic of the pub, where there was a secret passageway that led to an underwater opening in the river.  Then, we swam across, coming ashore underground beneath the amphitheater.

There was some sort of community/public gathering taking place that featured and/or was honoring a popular child star.  Angelica and I navigated ourselves to where we had clothes stashed under the amphitheater.  We dressed in pink dresses with pink and white scarves tied around our necks, as was this child star’s signature look.  After getting dressed, we were ready to enact our plan to reveal the vulnerability of the child star and “send the message” about the need to beef-up her security.  We popped out on stage behind her, simply brushed her hair, and then fled the scene.

This was a BIG deal and we definitely got our message across successfully.

The following night, a similar event was being held at the amphitheater and Angelica and I were being hunted by the authorities for the previous evening’s activities.  We decided to pull the same stunt again and Ursula joined us this time.  As it turned out, no one could ID neither Angelica nor me as the “culprits” from the night before – but there were, however, some close calls.  We were dressed in the same pink attire, as were several other girls – of all ages – in “recognition” of the “attempt made on the starlet’s life”.

There was just something different about this night, though.  After I mockingly (publicly, of course, to reestablish our point) brushed several girls’ hair on stage at the event – to the humor of the crowd who believed we were part of the act, Angelica came from behind me and slit each of their throats.  The audience was left gasping in a disgusted shock.  I didn’t realize what had happened until after we had executed our planned escape.  I couldn’t stop thinking,

What have I gotten myself into?!  Even worse, what have I gotten URSULA, my baby sister, into?!

The three of us went on the run and decided to leave town via the docks in the marshes just outside of the city.  Initially, we stole a little rowboat, but that didn’t last long because we got kidnapped by pirates at the next dock, where a brawl ensued over who would get to take us.  Amazingly, all three of us were kept together and “claimed” by a pirate who captained a small houseboat-like boat (as the sole crew member) that was full of junk that he had pillaged.  He was surprisingly fatherly; it was really weird.  He made each of us take turns playing the piano for him (all three of us actually play the piano in real life and grew up taking lessons from the same piano teacher) and he let us wear whatever clothes, jewelry, and purses we liked from his stash.  We were like his little baby dolls.

When we docked at the next port, Ursula and I secretly collaborated together and escaped.  Before long, we ran into a really nice homeless dude that offered to help us.  He jacked a car and drove us to this place where there was a congregation of homeless people.  It just so happened that this site was located just outside of the town from which we were trying to escape.  Even though it was close to town, Ursula and I thought it would be a good hideout since the police were still searching for us.  However, once we got out of the car, it became evident that the homeless dude conned us and that we had been kidnapped yet again.

Chip and Dale came searching for Ursula and me and somehow found us at the homeless hangout.  Once they got there, they first went up to the dude (who appeared to be the “leader”) to “negotiate our release”.  As it turns out, the dude claimed ownership of Dale and wouldn’t let him leave until he was sold. I managed to escape with Chip, but he ended up going back because he was scared for both his and Dale’s lives.  In the meantime, Ursula escaped, thinking that Chip was still with me.

There was a University football game going on and that’s where I fled to.  Even though the big crowd provided anonymity, I still had to be careful not to be recognized. Surprisingly, even after swimming with my cell phone fully submerged in my pocket, it still worked.  I called Martyr and Gaston, with no answer from either of them.

For some reason, campus was surrounded by Universal Studios and Disney World.  At Disney World, there was a boat ride that drove by old pirate ships while narrating tales from the past to the passengers.  I decided to use it as a temporary safe place.  I passed the line for the ride, dove into the lake, swam all the way across, and climbed aboard one of the old vessels.  There were a couple of other fugitives staking out there as well.  Before long, the police came across the marina looking for me – they had found my location by pinging my cell phone.  To avoid their getting caught, the other fugitives urged me to go someplace else.  So I snuck into the water and swam off.

I eventually found Beast, Martyr, Ursula, and Chip and we decided to go get Dale; I lead the way.  Martyr was going slow (as usual) and having trouble keeping up, so I gave her the location and went ahead by myself (Beast, Ursula, and Chip decided to stick with her).

I got to the homeless hangout and told the dude that I could guarantee him the money for Dale, that Beast was on the way and would pay upon his arrival.  He replied by asking me, “Well what about my money for you, Ursula, and Chip?”  Before I could respond, one of the other homeless people approached, holding a gun to Chip’s head.  The dude demanded more money.  I looked over and saw that Ursula had been shot in the head.  I noticed that she was still barely breathing.

Then I woke up.

Mr. Sandman

(Originally written on April 8, 2009)

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I had the strangest dream last night.

We had a party at Beast’s and Martyr’s apartment (even though they live in a house in real life), which was on the 12^th floor or so of the building, because we reunited with Ursula’s long-lost fraternal twin, a girl named Addie.  At the party, this blonde chick wearing a god-awful pink sequined dress, who, I believe, was a neighbor, ended up pushing Addie off the balcony, plummeting to her death.

I’m assuming this all took place approximately two years ago.  Ursula, Chip, Dale, and I were all upset that Martyr had never told us about our additional sibling.  She played it off as if we grew up with Addie, saying, “I don’t know why none of you kids remember her, you all grew up with her all your lives – she’s your sister.”  We ended up suspecting that she (Martyr) had brainwashed us.

The blonde chick that murdered Addie showed up to the funeral with her mother and sister, which was at Beast’s and Martyr’s apartment for some reason, wearing the same hideous pink dress that she had worn at the party when she committed the crime.  At some point in some conversation, she decided to draw attention to herself and make an announcement to all in attendance:

I always hated her.  In honor of that, I’m wearing the same dress to put her in the ground that I wore when I pushed her to the ground!

This ended up sparking a feud, if you will (Hatfield vs. McCoy reference, there), that, for some reason, we ended up deciding could only be settled with a fashion show:  me versus the blonde chick.  All of a sudden, there were hundreds of people in this big open room – just like a fashion show, I presume (I’ve never actually been to one).  We each chose five dresses to sport that were supposed to be stylish while at the same time flatteringly showed off our figures.

Martyr, in her usual fashion, insisted on helping me pick out my dresses.  I didn’t care for the fourth choice, so, right before I went out onto the catwalk, I put on another more-risqué number that was über short, long sleeved, shoulder pad clad, red and gold sequined, and backless – it came to a V that literally stopped just shy of my butt-crack.  When I came out, the room hushed in awe of how beautiful (even though it was actually hideous) the dress was.  Martyr was pissed that I deviated from the plan.  By the time I got back to the dressing room, Martyr had left the audience and was in there waiting for me.

I then asked her which of the two remaining dresses she would prefer I wear as the last one.

Well you obviously decided to make that last decision all on your own, so you can just choose this one for yourself too.

I ended up deciding to wear the dress that I actually wore for graduation last May (in real life).

Anyway, when I came out of the dressing room, it was no longer the runway – I was on a beach.  Ursula was there and told me that everyone had run out to the sandbar and urged me to go out there and show them.  I dove into the ocean and swam out to the sandbar where everyone was playing in customary beach manner:  swimsuits, beach balls, snorkels, etc.  Once I got there, I was having trouble getting everyone’s attention (as if me being in a dress on a sandbar in the middle of the ocean isn’t enough).

All of a sudden, this massive 25-foot wave came perpendicular to the beach (nonsensical, I know) and sent me tumbling along the ocean floor, unable to get any air.  It carried me into where it fed into a mountain river…yea, I know…  I ended up being dragged out and revived by Bluto, a friend in real life that moved back home to find a job since he was taking the semester off.

Once I came-to, I was shocked at his appearance:  he had a scraggly beard and was dressed in tatters.  Turned out (in the dream) that he couldn’t find a job and fled to the mountains to live as a caveman.  I spent some time with him on the mountainside overlooking the beach and talking about life before deciding that I just couldn’t live as a cavewoman.  We said our goodbyes and I headed back home.

When I got back home, Ursula had just found out that she had a son that was seven or eight years old that she didn’t know about.  She confronted Martyr about it and Martyr pulled the same routine as she had before with Addie, “You don’t remember?”

So here’s yet another family member that we never knew about!  Ursula ended up going up to the apartment, where she decided to kill herself in the same way that her twin (Addie) had died, and she jumped off of the balcony.

She ended up landing on a fallen rectangular pillar, with no harm done whatsoever.  So, then she taped her hands around it and decided she would just starve to death, right there.

Upon finding this out, Martyr immediately went to the site of the “accident”.  By the time she got there, there was a crowd and police were surrounding Ursula.  Martyr just went right up, ripped the tape off of Ursula’s arms and hands, and she dragged Ursula away from the site while she scowled, “I can’t believe you would embarrass our family like that!”

And then I woke up.