U – G – H!

(Originally written on September 16, 2009)

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I just read the following post on Tomboy’s Facebook wall from her best friend (other than Gaston), who just happens to also be Gaston’s ex (not Heartbreaker, though):

I can’t wait to see you and Gaston at the LSU game.  Speaking of…tell that there boyfriend of yours that I saw a lonely black sheep wandering around on his farm earlier.  He should go find it.  Then maybe your lonely brown cow will have a friend.  Good luck out there – I hear running a virtual farm is tough work.

Ugh!  Not only do I now know for a fact that Tomboy and Gaston are actually dating (well, I’m going to cross-reference that with Rowdy, just to be sure), but they’re going to be in town together for MY football game – the only one that I get to go home for and attend all year.

Suspicious Tweets

(Originally written on September 14, 2009)

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Yuengling and Gaston have been twittering back and forth this evening and it appears as though Gaston is back living in my hometown.  And I think he might actually be dating or living with Tomboy.  Is he STILL working on his undergraduate degree?  If he actually graduates this semester, that makes it five-and-a-half years for him to complete it.  And, I mean, he has only ever had one, unchanged major and no minors…

There Goes the Neighborhood

(Originally written on August 17, 2009)

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I just realized that Tomboy has moved into my soon-to-be-former apartment complex.

Great.  Just the bitch that I want to see when I visit home.

Even though I know I don’t want to be with Gaston, I’m still not over him.  And Tomboy’s presence here is just going to make it more likely that I’ll see him here staying with her for every football weekend that I make it to.  Especially because I always suspected that they were more than just friends.  I mean, she transferred here to resume classes this fall semester after one year at a top law school just to be closer to Gaston.  Regardless of how hard I tried (which I did, because she was Gaston’s best friend), I never did like her from the first time I met her.

It’s just a painful reminder.

Of all the nicer, newer apartment complexes to live in in this town, WHY HERE?

Missed Connections

(Originally written on May 27, 2009)

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Chickadee intern orientation today.  The CEO came in and gave a presentation about being a leader.  Then he revealed that this was not the company for someone who wants a flashy office and all that jazz.  I know that IS what I want, can I therefore resign?

•     •     •     •     •

Gaston came back in town on Saturday.  We were supposed to hang out later on that afternoon, but he was out-of-reach because he took a nap and then didn’t wake up until 9pm.  Once I started getting ready for bed, he finally called.  I ignored it.  Immediately, he called me right back, so I answered.   He told me that he was waiting at my door and asked if he could come in.  So I came downstairs, let him in, and we sat and talked for a little while.  He at one point put his leg up in my lap; however, we didn’t even hug at any point and nothing else physically binding occurred between the two of us.  He went out downtown for the remainder of the night, but before he left my apartment, I expressed that I wanted to spend some time with him before he returned home to south Georgia and I started working.

I ended up not going to trivia on Sunday because I went to a barbeque with Mario and some of our friends from back in my high school days instead…so I didn’t see Gaston on Sunday.  Then, when I left for the grocery store on Monday (which was Memorial Day), he was driving out of the parking lot with who I believe was Tomboy in the front seat and he simply – yet cheerfully – waved at me in passing.  I later texted him asking if we would have “our time”.  No response.  Sometimes he doesn’t get my texts, so I sent him a direct message on Twitter (which he receives on his cell phone in real time as text messages).  Still, to this day, no word from him in response to either of my messages.  And he was supposedly going back home to south Georgia yesterday, but when I got home last night and left this morning, his car was still sitting in our apartment parking lot.  Guess he didn’t go back home yesterday after all…  The red BMW that I think belongs to Tomboy is also still in the parking lot.

Why am I anxiously awaiting his response? I KNOW I don’t want to be with him – I could go on and on with reasons why.  But for some reason I just can’t help but crave his love/attention/affection/approval/whatever.  Why can’t my heart and emotions accept my logic and just let go?

•     •     •     •     •

So we just got back from the orientation lunch and chicken processing plant tour.  All I’m going to say about the tour is that I enjoy not being a vegetarian and don’t understand why it was necessary for me to have to see that.  For lunch, on the other hand, we were served a really nice six-course meal – full place settings and all (needless to say, everything except dessert and coffee was chicken).  Let me just say that I am astounded that I was the only one present that knew how to properly use silverware – I mean, this is a company that is centered around food.  It wasn’t the other interns who surprised me, but not a single one of the high-rankings of the company knew how to properly use silverware.  That’s part of simple business etiquette – I mean, if nothing else, at least remember the rule quoted to Leo DiCaprio in Titanic:  “Just start from the outside and work your way in”!

Oh my god, the Vice President of Human Resources is supposed to be finished presenting by now, yet he’s just been blowing air up his own asshole for his entire time slot.  Wow, he thinks really highly of himself.  He hasn’t even started his presentation yet…

Ugh – they constantly throw around the words/phrases “murder”, “slaughter”, and “rip ‘em apart” to describe the chickens and their processing.  Although the Chickadee employees may be used to it, I am not nearly as desensitized about the whole thing.  Like I said earlier, I enjoy not being a vegetarian and could do without hearing those words/phrases in this context.

A New Chapter

(Originally written on May 11, 2009)

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It has gotten to the point where I’ve lost hope in finding an ideal job and I have just started applying to anything and everything for which I think I stand any realistic chance whatsoever at being hired for.  Just this past Wednesday, I was extended an offer as a summer intern at a poultry company and I accepted it.  By no means is this what I think of as an exciting company to work for, but some source of income is way better than no source of income.  This company, we’ll call it Chickadee, currently has absolutely no marketing research department at the moment, so I’m basically going to be their guinea pig.  I’m kinda excited about it, though, because they want to make use of my graphic design skills in addition to the research and statistics.  I know that I will be working at their corporate office, but I can’t help but picture in my mind that I will be driving up to the building through a field of chicken houses.  It’s also discouraging knowing that it’s a one-hour commute (one-way, two hours roundtrip) away.

This was also the same day of my final client project presentation for the company that sent me out to Cincinnati for a second interview over spring break and then didn’t even offer me a job – they instead gave it to the biggest idiot in our class who just happens to have mastered the art of schmoozing.  Nevertheless, out of the six of us on the student project team, five interviewed with them, four received second interviews, two were extended job offers, and one accepted.  So, really, none of us wanted to be there, except, perhaps, the one who accepted their job offer.  Needless to say, the lunch preceding the presentation was the longest hour-and-a-half of my life. For example, they asked us if anyone was taking a vacation to celebrate graduating.  There was a seven-second hesitation/pause/dead silence before we each went around the table and all just plainly and bluntly said, “No”.  After that torturous lunch, the presentation just couldn’t end soon enough.  And then we got stuck in rush-hour traffic and our hour-and-twenty-minute drive home became two hours long.  It was excruciating.

Meanwhile, in the midst of all of that, Bacchus finally got back to me and told me that they want to fly me out to California in a week.  I’m excited about going there and checking everything out for myself, but I’m still basically internally knocking it out of contention because I don’t want to move so far away where I know absolutely no one.

•     •     •     •     •

By the way, I forgot to mention last time that when Gaston found out the web address of my blog and read it, he immediately showed it to Napoleon (and probably called Tomboy and told her about it too).  If he was so extremely embarrassed by my publishing of his “life” on the internet, WHY THEN SHOW IT TO MORE OF HIS FRIENDS?

Anyway, as far as avoiding Gaston and everyone associated with him…that’s not going so well (My weakness is pretty predictable, isn’t it?).  Gaston still hasn’t made any decision as to whether or not he wants to continue whatever it was that we had going on between us before the blog eruption.  I also forgot to make mention of this last time:  during the blog confrontation, Gaston told me that he was “really starting to love [me]” and that he hasn’t fallen for a girl this hard since Heartbreaker, the “benchmark” girlfriend, if you will, who tore out his heart right after high school and continued to stomp on it for a couple years afterward (he compares – or I should say, compared – everything in our “relationship” to that one).  Given that he feels so strongly that way, why is this decision so hard for him?  If you really love someone, why drag them along like this?

Yuengling thinks Gaston and I are done.  Again.  Before we all went downtown on Thursday night and it was just the two of us in the apartment, I asked Gaston if I could spend the night with him and he replied, “Sure, if you want to.  I don’t care.”  Then I asked him if he would ever spend the night at my apartment again and he told me, “We’ll have to see,” in a skeptic tone, not optimistically.  But he’s always that way, so I didn’t think much of it.  Well, once we were at Polly’s and I was talking with Yuengling about the whole blog situation, he informed me that Gaston had told him about my asking to stay the night and (apparently) played it up to Yuengling in a “I can’t believe she can’t tell that I’m done with her” sort of way, as though he’s made his decision obvious to me.  Why would Gaston even tell him about that?  I know that he did because he was the only person in the apartment with me when I asked!  That is just completely unnecessary to me.  Anyways, in conjunction with Yuengling’s belief that Gaston and I are over, Yuengling also said that Gaston would never actually tell me his decision and would just wait for it to fade or “prompt” me to do it.  I asked Yuengling if Gaston actually said those words and he responded, “No, it’s just his type.”  How comforting.

•     •     •     •     •

Completely opposite of what I just described above, last night Gaston invited me over (yes, you read that correctly, he instigated it) to just hang out and watch TV.  He ended up convincing me to watch This Is Spinal Tap with him.  I had never seen it before and thought it was going to be, like, a documentary about a death metal band (and I’m not a big fan of that particular genre of music).  I don’t know why I was under that impression…  The band name “Spinal Tap” just makes me think of it that way I guess…  Nevertheless, it was actually really good!

Throughout the whole movie, Gaston was being so affectionate.  He was playing with my hands, sweetly kissing me, pulling me closer to cuddle with him…  And after the movie, there was no attempt from either of us toward hooking up and I simply went back to my apartment to go to bed.  I can’t quite describe how amazing it felt.  Genuine and – dare I say – loving.

It really pulled at my heartstrings and makes me feel more confident that Gaston really does want to be with me.

•     •     •     •     •

On another note, I am done with school for FOREVER!  What a relief – even though I would feel a little better having the cushioning of a real job…  I have been awaiting this moment for quite some time now:  no more studying, no more tests, no more class, no more seminars!  Woo-hoo!

Normal Everyday Life

(Originally written on April 4, 2009)

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The past few days have been pretty uneventful.  Yesterday I went to Polly’s for lunch with Martyr and, as usual, Yuengling was there.  After we ate, I decided to just hang out and I spent the rest of my day there looking for jobs (online).  I had Yuengling bring me home around 8:30pm or so.

“Why so early?”  You may ask.  The night before, Ursula, Flower-Child, and I went to Los Compadres and Teddy was spoiling me with Patron margaritas.  I pre-gamed before dinner with three beers over the course of probably two hours.  We were probably only at Los Compadres for three hours or so – during which I had three potent margaritas and a shot of tequila.  Needless to say, I got wasted.

So, I really didn’t feel like going out hardcore last night.

Once I got back, I remembered that Belle, another one of my neighbors, was going to just be chilling at the apartment.  Once I got back, I dropped off my stuff (purse, laptop, etc.), grabbed a glass of wine, and went downstairs to join her.  We sat on her front stoop for a bit while her ex-boyfriend smoked a cigar – which smelled fantastic, by the way.

They have a really weird relationship – which isn’t really even a relationship.  It’s odd.  They aren’t together, but they still do a lot of dating-like activities.  Belle tried to explain it to me a little bit last night when he stepped out for a phone call:  basically, she’s just not opposed to dating other people.  Yet, I don’t think she has dated anyone or even tried.  Oh well, whatever!

Anyways, I ended up chilling with them until midnight or so after we watched The Departed.

•     •     •     •     •

Ooh!  I completely forgot to mention it, but after the seminar last Monday, Scarlet and I were walking back to his car when there was this girl in front of us wearing a ridiculously short dress.  We both commented on it, of course – we can’t help ourselves sometimes.  Then I realized that it was Slutty McSlutterson!  I turned to him and blurted out, “Wait, is that Slutty McSlutterson?”  Yes – I actually referred to her by her code name, out loud, in public, right behind her…

Then, as we began to cross the street (she continued straight and we turned the corner), I called out “Slutty McSlutterson?”  (I actually used her real name that time).  She turned, still walking, and just said, “Oh, hi.  It’s nice to see you out!”  I’m not sure if she heard my earlier comment(s) (the s because she may have also heard us talking about how short her dress was), Scarlet insists that she didn’t, or if she was just in a rush, but it seemed as though she couldn’t get away fast enough.

•     •     •     •     •

I haven’t spoken a word to Gaston since Wednesday night.  It’s kinda different because he’s in Miami right now visiting Tomboy, his best friend.  He’s accompanying her to her law school prom or whatever.  So I still have absolutely no idea where that whole situation stands.